Tag: health

The Life & Soul

Tanya

Not many people understand how much a medium must study and develop to become better at their practice.  There are a lot more mechanics to mediumship than people realise, it is a lot more than simply sitting to receive information from loved ones in spirit.

As a psychic medium, I have different teachers to fulfil all my developmental needs.  I have a professional tarot and business mentor and I also have an online learning group with a UK medium which I have recently joined.  This group is purely for developing my own mediumship skills.

One thing to note is that this learning group is purely via Zoom, it is mostly people from the UK but there is also a lady from the USA that gets up mega early to attend and a lady from Scotland.

Another common misconception is that a mediumship reading will not be as good if it is performed via Zoom.  Try as I might to explain to people that energy can be at any place at any time and it doesn’t matter where you are in the world to receive an energy link, some people still can’t seem to wrap their mind around it.

My following example of what happened on Saturday is a great one to prove that it doesn’t matter if a reading is done online, it can still be incredible.

I read for two people on the morning.  The first one wasn’t great.  The man in spirit was a difficult person to talk to, his personality has not changed (our personality does not alter after death) so it was like pulling teeth to converse with him.  The evidence was not coming thick and fast as I had hoped.

So, just before my second session, I put the intent out there to connect with a much easier spirit!

In the few seconds that I said hello to the lovely Scottish lady who would be my sitter, I became aware of her friend, a colleague, around her energy in the spirit world.  This lady was what I would describe as larger than life.  She was quite a curvaceous shape and she owned it with confidence!  Because she was so vivacious, she made this reading so much easier and pleasurable for me!  Here is what she showed me (key points), and my sitters feedback;

She died young (before 50) of cancer and needed some form of crutch to walk toward the end of her life

She did die of cancer and needed a stick to walk toward the end

She was a larger lady and owned it well, she was the life and soul of the party

Yes, she was a bigger lady who wore miniskirts and had so much confidence, everyone loved her!

She sat in a different department to my sitter, my sitter would need to walk outside her office and along the corridor to go and talk to the lady who is now is spirit.

This is correct

My sitter and this lady were friends but not close, however my sitter generally misses her energy, as does everyone.  She had a huge turnout for her funeral.

Exactly right

The lady in spirit was drawing my attention to a son.  Then she told me that not everyone could attend her funeral, and some had to watch via Zoom.

All correct, the lady’s son was in New Zealand so could not attend, he had to watch on video link.

There is one lady in the department who the lady in spirit was particular good friends with and can my sitter pass on a message of good wishes and love from the lady in spirit?

Yes, this lady is called Mary and she will certainly pass on her love

Throughout the reading, the lady kept saying “a name beginning with S” and then said “Susan”.

The lady in spirit was called Sue

I won’t lie, I was buzzing after this reading.  I call these readings one in ten, because they don’t come around that often (currently).  My other mediumship readings are great but this one was in my eyes perfect, because lovley Sue allowed me to link directly with her gorgeous positive energy and let her friend know that she is absolutely still around and absolutely ok.

So here is the rub, if you are the sort of person that loves to chat, uplift and have a giggle in this life, you won’t be changing any time soon in the afterlife and the good news is that you will be able to give your human family a pretty good chance of connecting with you!

Until next time,

Tanya

Thank you for reading my blog………if you are interested in a private tarot reading or if you would love to learn tarot, do drop me an email!  I am a professional psychic medium, specialising in tarot reading. 

Showing Up To Your Life

Tanya

How do you pull yourself back to being grounded, grateful and with a feeling of inner peace when all your mind wants to do is self-destruct and rip apart every layer of you? 

Even the most “together” of people may shock you with the fact they are dealing with many internal conflicts, anxieties, and jumbles of feeling that they are not sure where to place.

Sometimes I feel the whole point of being a human being is to be programmed so that we are starkly aware of the negative side of “life” to give us the nudge to find the joy in as much as we can.

One thing is for sure.  It is not easy being human. 

Sometimes I must remind myself to get back to “me” by doing certain things that I know will help.  I often find that I am looking for something that I know is missing but I have no idea what that thing is.  Does that sound familiar to you? 

The more I read tarot for people the more I understand that we are all looking for this thing.  But how do we settle ourselves back to “us” when we are not even sure what we are looking for?

I know what works for me.

I must busy myself in a way that is not stressed or rushed, but productive and resourceful.  To set goals, to stick to a plan, to focus. 

It’s to smile and connect with people whenever I can, even when I do not feel like it.  To remember that it is ok to say no.

I once read a book about a woman who pulled herself out of a cycle of poverty, disillusionment, and extreme toxic behaviour.

She got up every day with a plan.  With a focus, a routine.  She made herself busy, so that she made “energy” with the things and intentions that she focused on.

She spoke to literally everyone she met.  The postman, the bank cashier, the teacher, the stranger in the street.  She connected her energy with every human being that encountered her that day, even though she didn’t want to, she did.  She was alone inside, so she made it a point to make these connections. 

She did this every day and not only that, but she also wrote about her day. She journaled everything.  Her thoughts and feelings, the why’s, why nots, questions, triggering thoughts and complex feelings.  It all went down on paper before she fell asleep.

She soon found that by showing up to “do things”, to “connect” to “feel, express and create” shifted her energy in a way that almost moved the walls of her life around her to open out onto a vast landscape of new possibility.

By all these connections, by having a plan, by putting words on paper, she was manifesting, and her energy was changing.

  She blogged about her life, her problems, her feelings.  Someone of importance read her blogs and then they turned them into a story of her journey.  She has sold millions of books….it changed her life overnight.  But the work was done months and months leading up to the very moment that she sold her first book.

Instead of being in the mercy of her “life”, she decided to show up to it and move from passenger to driver.  She used the energy around her to either wallow in self-pity or to dig deeper than she had ever gone before and start making small changes that eventually pulled her in a completely different direction.

So, when you feel like your life is pulling you in which way what, like you have no anchor and stability even though on paper, your life doesn’t appear to be wobbly, you must try to navigate your emotions as much as possible.  Give yourself a helping hand by focussing, planning, connecting, building, creating, smiling, singing, appreciating, letting go, giving up, sticking too, accepting, refusing, inviting and being. 

I follow a lady called Alana Fairchild and she puts it so well here;

“If you want a life of passionate purpose, start with knowing, accepting and loving who you are as a person.  As you love, respect and nurture your authentic self, it will help you to understand what is best to cast aside.

You have the power to choose how you want to feel and what you want to express in each moment, no matter what is going on around you”.

Until next time,

Tanya

The Vegan-Endo Diet

Tanya

If many of you regularly follow my blog posts, you will know that I’ve been a “flexitarian” now for coming on two years.  This means, that I have one or two days a week where I eat no meat at all.  I have noticed, quite startlingly the health benefits this offers, however, due to lifestyle and my family being meat eaters, I’ve never gone full veggie.

Some may also know that I have a chronic autoimmune disease called Endometriosis (you can read about that here).  I recently read on one of my Endo forums that there is a diet you can follow that basically reduces the bodies inflammatory response, which will have a knock-on effect to the pain and growth of Endo.  I saw a diet book recommendation on the forum and hastily downloaded it to my kindle.

I read the book from front to back, it’s by a woman who cured herself of stage four endometriosis by changing the food she ate.  Bearing in mind there is currently no “cure” for Endo, this made me take note.  In a nutshell, the diet is basically a vegan one, except you also cut out or reduce significantly; alcohol, gluten, sugar and caffeine.  Believe me, I know that removing those last-mentioned substances is something like purgatory, so I’m thinking a significant reduction should just about cut it (hopefully).

It’s not only the for the Endo pain and symptom management I want to change my diet.  It’s also because I love animals and don’t feel justified in eating them.  I recently started to watch the documentary “Dominion 2018” and lasted about 6 minutes.  The last scene I watched was of a piglet having its skull cracked on concrete because it was the runt of the litter and would therefore serve no purpose to be alive.  I knew watching this would be the final nail in the coffin for me.

I’ve also just come back from France, where my lovely host Abbie made sure I had veggie as much as possible, but I did find myself slipping on the cheese front toward the end of the week.  I had already decided in my mind that I would be going “semi-vegan” (more about that in a moment) on my return from holiday, so, on my last night of the holiday, at a stopover in a hotel in Orleans, I decided to mark my final journey with red meat by ordering a steak, medium-rare.  A bit like when someone binge eats before starting a diet, I felt this would be a turning point for me.  Well, it certainly was.  That “medium-rare” steak turned out to be still mooing because it had barely touched the pan.  Forgetting that when in France you have to ask for it cooked one level up from what you would over here in the UK, I decided to tuck in none the less.  Unfortunately, my dinner decided to show up again 24 hours later and I spent the whole of my first night back in the UK, being ill in my toilet from food poisoning.

If this wasn’t a big enough sign for me, after years of towing and throwing, I don’t know what is!  Suffice to say that it literally sealed the deal for me, that was the last red meat that will ever pass my lips.

So, what is a semi-vegan?  My plan is this, to go vegan except for eggs, chicken & fish.  I’m doing this in gradual steps.  So, I will probably eat chicken until the end of the year, then it will just be fish, I will slowly cut that out.  I’ve been told by fellow vegan friends that to go cold turkey (no pun intended) is pretty tough going, so staging works well.

Oh and the caffeine removal (not easy at all – I bloody love my coffee) is not as hard as I thought.  I have a wonderful alternative that almost tricks my mind into thinking I’m drinking it.  I’ve gone for Whole Earth Caffeine Free, coffee alternative made from Barley, Figs and Chicory.  To cut out the sugar, I’ve used Erythritol sugar alternative and of course my vegan milk (Hemp Seed).

Today I have been totally vegan (take a look in the photos).  My aim is to have four to five days of this so the integration becomes easier.

I did kind of start the Endo diet five weeks ago and noticed how my pain had reduced on my last period.  It absolutely made a real difference, and this was without cutting out the red meat….so it can only get better (I hope!).

I’m excited about where this journey will take me with my health, I will certainly blog about in in the next few weeks to let you know how it is going!

To give you an insight into today’s food (which was a 100% vegan) here is what I ate;

Breakfast; Oats, Hemp Seed Milk, Chia Seeds, smooth peanut butter, fresh cherries, cocoa nibs & Agave Nectar honey alternative.

Lunch: Twice baked potato with vegan spread & Free From cheese with a mushroom, red onion & watercress salad.

Dinner; Katsu Tofu with Sticky Rice.

I snacked on Fruit during the day.

I think the key here is meal planning, good alternatives and variety.

Feeling strong about this already, I know that giving myself those couple of years to be a Flexi has always been leading me to this path, and I’m excited to give it a go!

Until next time,

Tanya

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Your Health Is Your Wealth

Tanya

I read that sentence recently and it resonated with me at this time in my life “Health is Wealth”.  I’m practically at the front porch of knocking on forty’s door and this year, this last year of my thirties, I’ve had more chronic health conditions than I think I ever have.   It’s literally been one thing after the other.  I can happily say that I’ve managed to get rid of most of them due to lifestyle change.

I should also note that I have a chronic autoimmune disease, endometriosis, which, even after an operation in 2019 to try and remove it all, has started to creep right back in with a host of symptoms that change from month to month.

So, to cut a long story short, I have realized one very simple thing during the whole lockdown experience of 2020, that if I don’t get my act together now, I am going to spend my next forty years with chronic pain.  Don’t get me wrong, I am a healthy woman in general, however, I can hand on heart say that I learnt consistency this summer.  Gone are the days where I could be really health conscious Monday to Thursday and then just let loose at the weekend, the consistency has to be an everyday thing.

So, as I had a huge amount of time of my hands during lockdown (my therapy practice was closed), I decided to go back to running, every other day.  I also combined this with yoga sessions and the odd online HIIT class.  I up’ed my game with water, like seriously.  Two litres of water (measured out with my special bottle that keeps track) and herbal teas on top of that (I haven’t given up coffee, but I have just one cup a day now).  I’m working on cutting out chocolate and crisps entirely and basically, everything that enters my mouth now is from a fruit, vegetable, pulse or lean meat (I have seven to ten portions a day of veg & fruit now), 98% of every meal I eat is home cooked, with fresh ingredients.  Takeaways are now a thing of the past, or a two-monthly treat, as opposed to twice a week.  Everything is in moderation now, so alcohol is well under the 14 units per week and only on Friday’s and Saturdays.  Even desserts like ice cream I’m saving as a Sunday treat.  Is this too regimented?  I don’t think it is, I don’t feel like I have much of a choice now because as soon as I overindulge in something like white bread or pizza, I feel awful the next day.  I could write a whole blog on exactly what I have been eating, but I will save that for a later post.

With the running and exercise, I make hay while the sun shines.  What does this mean exactly?  My chronic illness means that for one week of the month, I am poorly.  I have what can only be described as a split physical body disorder!  Obviously, I have made that up, but honestly the difference between my heathy days as opposed to my unwell days is startling.  During my good days, I can get up at 7am without so much as a yawn, do housework, do this task, that task, play with my daughter, go for a 4 mile run, come home, prepare a dinner from scratch, do a hobby or something in the evening….with the same amount of energy I started with in the morning.  Then, at around day 19 of my cycle, symptoms begin to creep in.  It starts with nausea after every meal, especially dinner time, it doesn’t matter how slow I eat, I want to vomit for 30 minutes after eating.  Sharp pains intensify, sometimes in my back, mostly on the left side (where my surgeon had to move my ovary that was stuck to my pelvic wall last year), this pain shoots down my leg or constantly grinds in my back.  When my period is due, I have the most intense exhaustion, to the point where sometimes I don’t get dressed.  I can sleep for 12 hours straight but still wake up with the worst brain fog, I forget words, or cannot concentrate, I drop things constantly, I walk into things.  It can be hard for me to hold a conversation….I don’t want to talk to anyone.  I am a complete shadow of the woman that was pacing along the streets with her ear pods in a week earlier!  Sorry for TMI but I have very heavy bleeding that intensifies the pain and lowers my iron levels, meaning I have to up my supplements (and not give up meat, something I have chosen not to do yet until I get my endo under control).  I haven’t got it under control yet, because nothing works for me (from a medical point of view), so I am trying every avenue at the moment, as that one week that it takes from me add’s up to a lot of time in the bigger picture.

As much as I hate this illness, I understand that endo is not the worst illness to have and in comparison, to others, I am very lucky, someone with a life threatening illness would take it any day of the week compared to what they are going through.

So why am I telling you all this?  Is it to gloat about how I’ve managed to stick to a healthy practice routine or that I’ve lost over half a stone by doing this?  No, it isn’t .  Because it has taken me half of my life to understand the importance of good nutrition and proper care for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs and this year, during one of the worst times in our recent modern history, I cracked it.  I tell you this because if you, like me, are approaching the mid-life years, or are well into the your winter years, if you are not educating yourself about your health and trying to do better, then you need to bear the consequences of what that means to you.  I understand that some conditions are not our fault (as you have read, I have one of those) but, we are all responsible to make healthy choices to ease what we have been dealt with and to prevent other things from starting, because believe me, if you neglect your body now, they will come.

So, today is the youngest you will EVER be.  Why not make hay whilst the sun shines and start implementing some better choices, practices and plan how you want your future to look?  I personally want to retain the feeling I have, on my well days, for as long as possible, well into my golden years!  It is a fact that we are all living longer now.  It is so easy, when you are in your twenties and thirties to think you have all this time and that cause and effect doesn’t really apply when you are young…..well actually, you are wrong.  I think for a the lucky very few, they can get away with drinking, smoking, eating crap all their life, but let’s face it, we are not all Keith Richards are we?  So I say, do it like the French do, everything you love in moderation, find the balance, know what foods your body wants and needs, avoid those that make you feel awful and move your body (if you don’t use it……you lose it).

Until next time,

Tanya

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The Power Of Therapists

Tanya

No matter what their specialty is, whether they are healers, massage therapists, psychics or aromatherapists, acupuncturists, the list goes on, I am always so amazed and inspired by the natural healing abilities all of these different modalities.

Last Friday I had a treat day, I had three self-care type experiences booked in for myself, my regular facial, reiki treatment and reading with a psychic.  What I found was on that day, not only did I feel fantastic at the end of it, but I got something from each and every one of those therapists.

For example, during my facial with my lovely therapist, she did a beautiful neck and shoulder massage.  Her hands are particularly hot, there are no surprises that she is a Reiki practitioner also.  After she spent quite a bit of time massaging between my shoulder blades, she asked me if I have pain between my shoulders, on one particular side, as she could feel a heat spot there.  Sure enough, I have a weak area on that very spot that can cause me immense pain if it gets triggered.  My therapist’s healing hands are able to detect heat spots on the client’s bodies, she has done this with others, she can feel the exact area that needs healing.

After this appointment I then went to see a lovely friend and neighbour who I do regular therapy swaps with, it was my turn and I had chosen Reiki.  During the amazing session, at the very end, after feeling deeply relaxed I started to see a vision.  A vision is something that is played out in your mind however, it’s not coming from you.  As I looked into the darkness of my own eyes, suddenly it became sepia and I started to watch what can only be described as a movie scene.  First of all, I saw two Chinese people with masks on which made me think of the Coronavirus outbreak.  Then I was shown different hands, lots and lots and lots of different pairs of hands, all healing, all helping the world to heal.  It is like I was being given a message about how profound and very important healing is, on a natural level as well as a medicinal one.  To back this up, my lovely therapist told me that she saw, in her mind’s eye, a vision of lots of people joined together by their hands….healing.  We were certainly both being shown a message here.

Then, in the evening, I had a psychic reading with a lovely lady I had never met before.  After an incredible 40 minutes or so, where she practically told me everything that I have been thinking, feeling and planning with my business, the most profound bit came.

In January I had a vivid dream that I was sitting in a circle of people, and one person, a young black man, really stood out.  He was wearing old type robes and looking right at me, repeating the word: “Malachi…….Malachi……..Malachi”, I even woke up saying the word.  So, I instantly googled it and Malachi is from Biblical times, translating into “Spirit Messenger”.  I took this as a nice sign that I am on the right path, particularly with my mediumship.

However, fast forward to my reading with the lovely psychic, at the end of the reedling I could see her struggling with a word and then it flew out of her mouth “They are saying, Malachi.  Mean anything to you?”.  The hairs on the back of my arms went up.  I told her about my dream.  The psychic said that not only does she feel that the young black chap was actually a new guide (I had a feeling of this too recently), but this word has something to do also with Reiki.  She told me about a Reiki course, which sounds very much like Malachi and they want me to go on it, she even recommended a Reiki Master for me, which turns out, is my Reiki master!  So, after our session, I contacted my Reiki Master and she told me the course is called “Muny Ki” and is a 3-day course which allows you to receive sacred rites, bringing in much positive change, healing, and transformation, that you can also pass on to others.

So, there you go, three different therapists, three different modalities, and amazing experiences with each.

Your spiritual and emotional wellbeing is so important, never overlook an alternative healer or someone that works with the energies, as this can be powerful stuff, powerful stuff indeed!

Until next time,

Tanya

Coronavirus Predictions

Tanya

Ok so I have never done this before, but I wanted to see how well the tarot picks up on current affairs and situations that are going on a wider scale.  Take a look at what I found (this is published a day before the UK Government publishes their plans further to the Covid-19 outbreak in the UK):

Economy

There are significant financial changes due to this virus, whatever happens, it will have an impact on our economy.  It’s as if all priorities will be going on the healing of the nation, and we will worry about the rest after.  So, there will be measures put in place to help stop the spread of this to make sure that people are healed over money.

A decision has been made by the government and it will be quick and to the point, they are going to make a decision that could be detrimental to the economy and I feel like this is something that has never been done before, its new territory.  They feel it’s necessary and it means that financially there could be implications, later on, they are going to take a huge sum of money from one budget and use it for the treatment of containing the outbreak.  They are basically giving the NHS a huge injection of cash to build specialized pods or that type of thing on site.

NHS

They will ask people to come back into the NHS that no longer work there (retired), people who have qualifications for nursing or medicine, asking them to pick up their tools again, asking people that used to work for the NHS that are now living abroad, asking them to come back.  This has a very good outcome.  They will have pods outside the hospitals to look after the sick and that seems to work, some form of technology that is good for containment but I’m not sure what that means but whatever this plan is, that is good.

Infrastructure

People are still expected to work, however, there are certain things that they will leave, some industries will continue as normal, but others left half-finished?  (not quite sure what this means).  Big functions and music and sporting things that haven’t been finished yet, that will have to be reevaluated or put on hold for the near future.

Schools

Schools – this is the biggest dilemma they face in terms of making a decision.  They are in two minds with this, because money is an issue.  It is key, in terms of their decision making.  With the NHS they will throw cash at it but with schools, it’s like they don’t want them to close because ultimately it costs too much.  Managing balance appears to be key here (there seems to be a big divide in opinion with this), because of the money and impact it will cause.  They will keep deliberating on this, it’s not an overnight decision.  It feels as if Wales or Scotland will have a different decision to England, the nation will be divided.  One of our other nations will do something different.  I feel schools will remain open but bigger classes to accommodate the lack of teachers.  Some special measures too but this is a slower process.  They are going to monitor this carefully before making a rash decision of pulling kids out.

The Outcome

There will be stress before happiness, segregation, and decisions that are made that could affect people and there are tension and fighting amongst people, this is more to do with sick pay and decision coming top-down and the employees not being happy about this.  There will be ill people here, and having to be careful of who you are around.

3 months – before it gets better, however, the ending is very promising, in 3 months it will be 99% contained, it will peak in the middle of that but it has a good outcome.

Until next time,

Tanya

So I Just Went For It

Tanya

Recently I met a lovely new client who said something to me which rang a little bell in my heart.  She told me that sometimes, she has this inner feeling of knowing, like an energetic feeling, that something big is coming her way, like something good, derived from happiness, like, her purpose.  I understood exactly what she meant; this is the first time I’ve heard someone else say out loud what I often feel myself.

However, it’s been hard to hear it lately, as sometimes, like everyone else, I can have days when I feel low and not really sure why.  I don’t think this weather is helping (that makes me sound like my nan) but seriously, it’s been overcast since about November, hasn’t it?  Anyway, I’ve had to dig deep for the motivation that normally just spills out of me with ease, I’ve had a real brain fog lately, sometimes even worrying that the best of my ambition has gone like my 30s are about to go behind me………can you believe that negativity?  That is not my normal vibe.  I want to stress that as soon as that creeps in, I deal with it, like, I’m not having that, at all.

So, when this happens, I go back to basics with my mental health, everything I teach my students on my Law Of Attraction Course: Routine, Self-Care, De-Stress, Back To Nature.  Go walking (I notice a direct link to my mental health and how often I get out walking with my dog Seb), meditation (I fell asleep to the Shipping Forecast the other night, it was lush!), exercise, good diet, loads of water, going within myself to find inner peace, less worry and more “home” time.  What do I mean by home time?  Home is the place inside you that is safe, yours and is where you are connected to the source of all that is, it’s your energetic life force that tells you that you have absolutely nothing at all to fear.  Have you found yours yet?

After months of preparing to launch my Law Of Attraction Course online, it was ready to launch today (Monday 24th Feb).  I think this has contributed to my feeling of unease.  I’m about to embark on something that I’ve been working toward and thinking about for ages.  Last year I imagined what it would be like to launch my LOA course, online, to a wider audience.  I had no idea how to even start, but using the power of manifestation, I managed to get all the knowledge, resources and contacts I needed, and low and behold, I manifested it.  Now comes the fear bit, the bit where I wonder if it will do well.  I always say this, it’s not about the money for me, it’s about the impact and the connection to fellow humans, that’s what I get excited about, but then I am fearful if it won’t be received with love, I had a few hurtful comments when I initially sent an advert out (not from my page likers or local community should I add), this did scare me a bit, but then I must remember that being scared is a block to reaching out for your dreams, fear must be overcome and moved to the side.

What am I trying to say with this week’s post?  I guess it is, going back to that feeling in the first paragraph.  Once we have found our life’s purpose, it puts us in a flow of energy and gives us a feeling unlike any other we have ever experienced.  It’s personal, it’s not about anyone else.  It’s like we are fulfilling a subconscious dream that we came here to do, we recognize it like an old friend, and hand in hand we navigate a path together, meeting new people along the way, having incredible experiences at each crossroads, letting our gut take us there and nodding in agreement because we know it’s the right way, the right direction.

People always say to me that they don’t know what their purpose is.  I can’t answer that for people, it’s something you must find within yourself.  My purpose is connecting to the spirit world, proving life after death exists and most of all, helping others of this life journey with grief, worry, and pain.  I know I am lucky that I found my purpose, but all I did was listen to my inner voice.  What is yours telling you?

Once you find it, listen, understand it and let it guide you.  Then, just go for it, please just go for it!

Until next time

Tanya

 

If you are interested in learning about my Positive Law Of Attraction Courses, please click on this link. Thanks!

Health Anxiety

Tanya

 

Anxiety is a pretty awful thing to go through.  Some people throw the word around quite casually, they are a bit anxious about something and think they have anxiety.  I don’t want to take away the seriousness of their worries but actually having anxiety as a mental health condition is a different thing entirely. It can be deliberating, can wreak havoc with the individuals and their families lives and can take years to mentally overcome.

There are many different types of anxiety and as I am not a trained psychologist I’m going to do what I do best and that is talk about my own anxiety and what that feels like and suggestions I can put forward that may help you if you are in the same boat.

Firstly, why do we get anxiety?  I believe that we have a predisposition for it in our genes, or a bit of a personality trait that means that we have to be in control, all the time. The control thing is massive when it comes to anxiety because anxiety is another word for worry.

I also feel that we would have learned some behaviour from a parent that may or may not have realised that they are worry heads.  They may have wrapped us up in cotton wall because of their own self restricting fears.  Growing up there may have been one or both parents that are negative in nature and would tend to “catastrophise” things with no logical rationale behind it.

Anxiety can lay dormant for years and come out after a traumatic or life-changing event.  It can also manifest into different mental health conditions like depression and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – which I will blog about another time). For today’s’ post I want to focus on my own personal favourite topic of anxiety: health anxiety.  Honestly, I don’t think it was a thing until Google was invented (jokes).  I also don’t think it’s the same as Munchausen Syndrome (a factitious disorder in which a person deliberately acts as he or she is physically or mentally unwell when he or she is not really sick).  I do think however that it bubbles on the surface of hypochondria if anything.

Health anxiety is when you worry constantly at not only your own state of health but of those around you that you care deeply about.  Slight pain in the forehead?  That will be the onset of a stroke.  A left flank twinge?  Cervical cancer for sure.  The numbness in your right foot will be the stomach tumour that is pressing on your spinal column, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you have worn slider sandals for the past three months due to the unprecedented heatwave……..ok I’m making this funny but if you have this disorder, it’s pretty damn awful.  You will utterly convince yourself that you are dying, all the time.

You will have a compulsion to symptom check every little ailment you “feel”. You will seek out statistics of cancer rates and risk factors and because your anxiety is a sneaky little bugger, it will deliberately on purpose home in on all the things you are experiencing. The compulsion is to actually find evidence that you do in fact have a life-threatening illness.  This is all irrational and completely fear driven.  Of course, it is.  But try telling that to your anxiety.

Stories in the newspaper, of particularly young people dying of cancer (cancer is a massive theme for the person with this type of anxiety), will be what you are drawn too.  “If it happened to them, then it could very well happen to me……..there is so much cancer these days, why is that…………its like cancer is out to get me, my family and friends………”

So, as you may have worked out from the above, I have experienced this type of anxiety first hand.  However, I haven’t got it as bad as some.  When I feel good, I feel on top of the world, with no worries what so ever.  But as soon as I get an odd symptom…it starts to creep in.

I have had a recent “health scare”.  After months (years!) of awful heavy and painful periods, I decided to go and get an internal scan done.

At the scan, the lovely female sonographer probably didn’t mean to scare the crap out of me, but she did.  To be honest, when you are the health worrier, you will look for every little sign to see if a health professional is lying to you and in fact covering up the fact they have just discovered you actually do have a terminal illness.

“Oh!  Endometriosis, can see it straight away” she said as she peered at the scan screen that was pointing toward her and not me (what’s she trying to hide?).  Oh my days….I’ve just been diagnosed with Endometriosis!!  From a scan…….ok, not life-threatening, will also explain why I have felt like I want to die each and every month……..wait is there more?

“Oh!!  I see two growths”…….wait “growth??” OK – real legitimate worry time about to commence……….

“These are called Polyps.  They are quite common (thank the lord) and are tissue growths in the uterine wall (stop saying growths!) and you need them out as one is growing, it’s very large (large growth, growing – wtf???) you need an operation”.

Jeeze.  Let’s fast forward to now – the day I write this blog.  It’s about ten days since my scan.  My consultant appointment with the Gynea is this evening and the fact that (thank the lord twice) I have private medical insurance, I reckon this operation will be done and dusted by May (here’s praying).  This is the good news, they have identified my problem.  The bad news is my anxiety has skyrocketed.

Remember, that I am a Holistic Therapist who helps others deal with stress, depression, anxiety…..I promote the law of attraction and the positive mental attitude required to hit difficult times in life, head on.

But when you start looking internally at your own life, at those that love and depend on you and the fact that you may have a very real, potentially very serious health condition, it changes everything in an instant for you. All those years I’ve spent worrying about having cancer and the awful truth is, I don’t know if I have it or not. Am I over-reacting?  Some women with uterine polyps have them removed and biopsied to find out that they have cancer.  This is rare. But it does happen.

The difference between me and someone without health anxiety is this:

The person without this anxiety will be rational.  They will take what the sonographer said as the truth and not think that actually, she lied to them and really she saw cancer but didn’t want to worry them.

They will not think that every phone call from the scan until the consultant appointment is the gynaecologist herself, calling to get them in “URGENTLY” as it appears they have cancer and need a lifesaving operation within hours.

They will not start thinking about the future with them not in it and how that will affect the lives of those they hold dearest……a thought that is too painful to put into words.

Of course they will be concerned, that goes without saying.  But they will be rational and objective, not irrational and subjective.  They would also say, well even in the very unlikely event that I have cancer, it doesn’t mean I am dead, it just means I need a different course of treatment….and a different perspective.

See, how did we get from uterine polyps to cancer in one blog post?  No one has even mentioned this word to me……but I Dr Googled my symptoms……it turns out that endometriosis and polyps have the same symptoms as womb cancer.

In my heart of heart, do I think I have it?  No.  But I do think this is a big old lesson for me, in terms of putting my health anxiety to bed, for good!  Yes, it is. Here is why.  For the first seven days of the ten day wait period between scan and consultant, I kept crying and totally freaking out.  This is the most I’ve worried in a very long time.  But then, during a Reiki treatment, I heard a voice in my head. I felt like it was Blue, my guide. This is what he said:

“You are absolutely fine.  You don’t have cancer, you know that.  You will KNOW when your time has reached its end on this life journey.  But, just because you have these abilities, the deep sense of intuition that not every person has, that doesn’t mean that you get off Scott free…..you will have many ups and downs that you need to learn and grow from….this is one of those down times but we are going to manage it and move past it”.

Since this moment I have felt so much better, even today, a few hours before my appointment.  It’s like someone is standing behind me, they have got my back and I feel it too.

I’m hoping this whole experience will put to bed my worries, as there is no point.  What is important is now, today, right this second, anything before that is just our imagination.

But what if health anxiety affects you?  Well, like with any type of anxiety, I want you to know that I feel your pain – I really really do.  There are ways to manage it though:

  • Write stuff down, all about what you are worried about. In fact write two columns, one with your irrational fears and the other one with the more logical rational thinking.   Anxiety and stress cause symptoms, headaches and stomach ache. So that is what the problem is more likely to be!
  • Keep busy, focussed and fulfilled. This will help you immensely.
  • Relax and manage your thoughts with techniques such as exercise, mindful meditation and doing something creative.
  • Talk to people to unload your worries but try not to seek constant reassurance, be your own therapist.
  • If you are undergoing tests for a legitimate health issue, DO NOT search on Google, especially on forums. You are not the same as the people on the forums.  Your body and condition are unique to you.
  • Speak to your GP or look on the Mind website if you do feel you need external support: https://www.mind.org.uk

Until next time,

Tanya