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Split Souls

The tarot teaches us that life is made up from just a few personality archetypes.  These are the fire types, filled with adventure, ambition and an unyielding urge to travel forward with spirit and courage.

Then there are the water ones, those that seek comfort and life’s luxuries, that indulge themselves in deeper feelings, staying close to those they feel need them or in fact, those that they need.

There are the earthly soldiers who toe the line, always showing up to fall into duty, serving others and themselves without question. 

There are the airy deep thinkers, the truth tellers, the debate starters, and the rational logical analysts of the world.

In between the main four, there are the healers, the magicians, the hermits, the mothers, fathers, spiritual leaders and narcissists. 

The tarot covers just about any human personality type you can think of.

Recently, this got me thinking.

The tarot is right, as people we generally fall into a type based on our core beliefs, opinions, experiences and values.

The reason why tarot is so easy to use (in my opinion) is because most humans fall within the four main tarot court suits, and once you describe the personality traits of the suit, the sitter will know intrinsically who you are talking about in their life, even though you have never even met the person you are describing.

Have you ever met someone that not only looks like someone you know but also has an uncanny resemblance with mannerisms and personality quirks with that person?  It is like they have been split at birth, a sister from another mister, a brother from another mother….a doppelganger.

How can there only be a certain amount of personality types, I ask myself?  And if we resemble others so much, does this mean that we are in fact, somehow connected on a deeper level?

What if, when we die, and we go back “home” it turns out that our soul is split into many spirit lines, attached to many human beings, living on the Earth concurrently, living different lives yet joined by the same soul……..?

What if it turns out, there are not billions of beings, but in fact, a mere few?  Just a room full of souls, and that is it.

When you meet someone who is on your “vibration” – the instant chemistry you get, the deep connection that you cannot explain…..are you simply just reaching out to someone who shares the same soul as you?

I read a lot about “twin flames”, the same soul that has been split in two and when you meet this person in life, it is like looking at a reflection of yourself.  Why does this have to be limited to just two splits in a soul?  What if there are many?

What if you have the same soul as your mother and daughter and understand that from an inner level because you know you are basically the same people but living separate lives?

I have always thought this about my own mother, that when she dies, she cannot go anywhere because she is so much a part of “me”.  And I am sure my daughter feels the same about our relationship.

Then there are the people we do not like, those that rub against our energy like sandpaper on skin.  They are certainly not part of our soul.  But….are they there to help us grow, to allow us to experience different vibrations and how to react to situations in order to experience life in a physical Universe?

So perhaps when you next bump into a person that reminds you so much of another friend, or find yourself gravitating in conversation with a stranger like you are old friends, just perhaps, you are actually conversing with yourself, a split in your soul, waiting to eventually join back together again.

Until next time,


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Spiritual Therapy

Therapy can come in many shapes and sizes, but the beauty of spiritual therapy is that it often shifts a lot of unwanted energy so subtly, we hardly even notice it happening.

As I practice both Reiki and Tarot Readings, I get the privilege to use two different modalities to help my clients.

Reiki has a powerful yet gentle way of moving blocks of energy that are stuck in our aura.  It wasn’t until I really began to connect with the different energetic chakra systems that I could visualise what some clients are holding on to from an auric perspective.

For example, I would often see giant scissors cutting a relationship in half when I stood above my clients heart chakra, telling me in an instant that there was a painful breakup in the past and my client is still holding on to that sad energy.

Energy does leave an imprint within our existence (otherwise how else can we read psychic energy?). 

If we suffer trauma, or hold on to stress without releasing it in a constructive way, it begins to build within our auric layers and not only gets caught within the emotional, mental and spiritual layers of ourselves, it will eventually begin to manifest as a physical ailment.

I find it incredible that most people (including myself) can trace an illness or condition back to a cause that happened within each of the chakra points (for example, the stress of a job move could coincide with bad knee pain from the base chakra or prolonged asthma or sore throats from not expressing how we are feeling from the throat chakra).

Reiki will help these blocks to lift and will provide temporary yet eventual continuous relief (if practiced for long enough) from a host of emotional and physical conditions (as the two are almost always interlinked).

A Tarot Reading is another powerful spiritual therapy because it gives me, the reader, the chance to unpick the blocked layers with more detail.

Like traditional talking therapy but with its own unique spiritual twist, a good reader will talk about your life like it is an open chapter in a very interesting book.  The reader is the guide in the sitting, ensuring the reading connects with the clients own intuition.

The reader will look back at a summary of what lead you to where you are on your current path and will delve into that current chapter to see where the story is going to take you.

The next chapters are again a summary of energy (as the reality hasn’t happened yet!) and will offer up the potential of where the story could go.

Last week I had a client that had some incredible business potential in her energy.  It was far removed from her current life position, and she asked me if she could really achieve it?  I told her, of course she could, because if it wasn’t in her potential, it would never have been shown to me.  On a deeper level, my client knew she had this potential also.

I believe that spiritual therapy should be used alongside traditional methods as well as complementary treatments, as it provides the client with a mixed bag of fantastic tools to help navigate their life with.

Until next time,


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Your Four Queens

Your Four Queens

When you become an advanced tarot reader, you understand that sometimes the strongest message is from the cards that have not been placed down within your spread. 

The cards that are missing are what I like to call “a message in the message”.

I notice this a lot with Queens, especially if I am reading for someone who has yet to step into their own power. 

The Queens in our tarot court deck are there to not only nurture different aspects of ourselves, but for us to embody those very qualities.  The tarot suits are made up from the four pillars of our physical world, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.  Each Queen therefore gives us an insight into what we could strive for and what we need to do to balance those four life areas.

I’m trying to embody each Queen into my own personal life.  It is not always easy.  If we spend too long in one suit aspect, we find that others may come out of equilibrium.  So, the key I believe is to get familiar with each and heal each of those four Queens when she needs it, to strike that balance that is so crucially needed for us to feel at peace in our lives.

To help you step into your Queen energy, I have explained below the best ways that I feel you can do this.  You will be surprised at how by embracing these qualities yourself will change your energetic blueprint, in turn raising your vibration and opening up a whole other realm of possibilities for you.

Air; The Queen Of Swords; Nurturing our Mental Health

This is the Queen of logic, reasoning, and brutal honesty.  To nurture this aspect of ourselves, we must be honest with how we feel and recognise when our mental health may need some care and attention.  How are our personal boundaries?  Are things, people or situations dragging us down and into a negative pattern of thinking?

By embracing our Queen of swords, we are stepping into a logical way of thinking, removing any emotional pulls that may jade our decision making.  We need to recognise when we should switch into this mode and use our analytical skills wisely. 

Here are some affirmations that may help you step into your Queen of Swords energy;

  • I can make calm, sound and reasonable decisions for my life
  • I have clarity of mind in any given situation
  • I will say no without feeling any guilt
  • I will respect my personal boundaries  
  • If I need time to think before I answer, I shall give myself that grace
  • Honesty does not have to be costly
  • I have integrity, always

Earth; The Queen Of Pentacles; Nurturing our Physical Wellbeing

This is the Queen of self-care, resourcefulness, and healing.  To nurture this aspect of ourselves, we must ensure our cup is filled before we can help anyone else.  This is true with every physical aspect of our being, from our own bodily health to the money we can earn to live a life of choice and freedom.  Self-care falls under this Queen to ensure she is strong enough to have her own independence, as well as being humble enough to be able to receive help if offered.

Here are some affirmations that may help you step into your Queen of Pentacles energy;

  • I will honour my body with good food, water and plenty of rest
  • I will work hard to build a strong, healthy, and fit physical body
  • I will embrace the natural world around me to help with my mental health
  • I will work hard to bring in an income (if I am physically and mentally able) to support myself and others
  • I will honour the healer that I am and understand that even if I do not bring in an income, that my home-work is recognised as important with the contribution that I bring to myself and those around me
  • I am nurturing, kind and know that I have everything I need in pure abundance

Fire; The Queen Of Wands; Nurturing our Passions & Spiritual Growth

This is the Queen of purpose, confidence, and leadership.  She steps into her own unique power and leads by example, inspiring and motivating whoever she touches.  When we are in our Queen Of Wands energy we can move mountains, run marathons and start a business from a penny and a dream.  Once we step into her power, we are a true force to be reckoned with.

Here are some affirmations that may help you step into your Queen of Wands energy;

  • I will listen to the burning voice inside me to start something amazing
  • I will honour myself by showing up daily to help steer my life in the direction that makes me feel most fulfilled, happy and abundant
  • I am worthy
  • I am enough
  • I am unique
  • I am my own best friend
  • I deserve to be happy

 Water; The Queen Of Cups; Nurturing self-love and love for all others

This is the Queen of love, fulfilment and selflessness.  She is Queen of family, friends, house, home, beauty and inner sparkle.  When we are in this Queens energy we give service to those that need us, providing charity unconditionally as this makes us feel incredibly fulfilled but at the same time remembering that we cannot pour from an empty cup.  This Queen loves herself purely and will make sure all her needs are met so she can be the light that someone else may need in their time of darkness.

Here are some affirmations that may help you step into your Queen of Cups energy;

  • I give myself permission to love myself without conditions
  • I love myself unconditionally
  • I will not place judgements on myself or others
  • I honour my empathetic side, the side that allows me to show my emotions and communicate how I feel
  • It is ok to cry
  • It is ok to heal
  • It is ok to feel happy
  • I deserve happiness
  • Nothing is going to go wrong

By embracing each Queen at different points of your life (and even different points of your day!) will help you live in the moment, connect back to your authentic self and feel more at ease with your state of mind.

Until next time,


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The Feeling Of Creation

Sometimes, the most intriguing place is being in-between two worlds, this one and the one that one day we will all go to once we leave this physical reality.

I don’t always get the chance to go there, but when I do, it is normally between being asleep and awake, during a lucid dream or when having a Reiki treatment/in meditation.

I get the most insight just before I fall asleep.  It’s like a new energy slips in and the feeling of knowing that I am being shown something is as real to me as being alive.  This happened just last week.  As I lay, drifting off into a comfortable slumber, I could see through the gap of dimensions and was shown the beauty of the other side.  I get the most profound feelings when I look at views on that side.  It is different to being here, when I’m here the feelings are dampened down, they only scratch the surface of what can truly be felt once we leave Earth. 

When we are here and we look out over a beautiful landscape, or the view of the ocean on a breezy spring day, it often makes us feel calm and at peace.  The same thing happens on the other side but it is ramped up to not only a feeling but a “knowing”.  We don’t just see the ocean and attach a feeling to it, we ARE the ocean and can tap into many more layers of existence then the 3D effect we have here.

So, when I had a little glimpse the other night, it gave me the chance to see what creation means on the other side.  I know it was my guide answering an earlier question (in waking time) when I was staring out of the window, wondering what life is like once you are “physically” dead (standard afternoon daydream!).

He was able to show me during my vision.  I’ve always understood that creation is pretty much the point of everything.  As humans in a physical existence where survival is the most pressing issue, we have no choice but to create to not only stay alive, but for enjoyment purposes too.  Every single thing in our physical reality has been created by either the source or by us, and as we are part of the source, everything we can see and touch has come from a single point of creation.

When my guide showed me the other side, I was able to “feel’ what creation is.  At this point, I wish I had a brain big enough to put it into words, but as with all things on the other side, articulating via a human language can be a challenge.  I shall try below;

The feeling when we are there is as if we are plugged into one gigantic energy source, like a giant spark plug.  There is a buzz that runs through our energetic body and we are able to acutely feel all these ideas, concepts and philosophies within a very comfortable state of “knowing”.  The possibilities are endless because our energy is now infinite so it can keep moving and shaping as much as it (or you) want it too. 

There are no human worries to pull you down, no fretting about money or food or heavy human problems that we must deal with.  There is just light, and opportunity and the ability to feed your soul with whatever you want to do.  The peace that it brings is indescribable. 

I felt so comforted after my vision, as it is another indication that life on the other side is awesome!  I am sure that there is still much growth to do, but we have space and more time than we could ever imagine putting that growth into practice, starting with creation.

Until next time,


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My Tarot Reflection

Over the years of my tarot study I have read many times that tarot is a mirror of our own individual hopes, fears and dreams.

It has taken me quite a few years to fully appreciate what this is saying and I do believe it to be true.

When using tarot, we are connecting to our vibrational energy that is reflecting straight back at us where we are sitting within our own frequency (this is why the law of attraction and tarot are so intrinsically linked).

During my tarot workshops I do encourage my new tarot readers to choose a daily tarot card for guidance on each day.

I also tell them to air on the side of caution when doing a more detailed reading on themselves.

I truly believe that when reading for ourselves, we are reading a mirror of how we are actually feeling in that very moment.

This can cause some issues, it can be subjective, misleading and filled with emotional bias.

I want to give you an example.

Shelia has noticed that her boyfriend has gone a little quiet and distant over the past few weeks. It’s a relatively new relationship and his small but noticeable shift in energy has triggered something in her. Sheila’s last partner behaved this way when he was loosing interest in the relationship . Suddenly Shelia has some deep rooted concerns and fears beginning to bubble to the surface.

Sheila decides to ask the tarot some questions.

She asks what is wrong with her boyfriend , at the same time praying that he isn’t going to leave her and this tarot spread isn’t going to be bad.

She pulls the King Of Swords, The Seven of Swords and the Ten of Wands.

In an instant, her heart begins to race and her hands feel sweaty. Shelia reads the cards based on her own vibrational fears and competitive bias. She sees a man pulling away emotionally, that he is keeping secrets and that he is tired of her.

The seven of swords is the most worrying card of all so she places three new cards on top to gain clarity.

She pulls the Queen of Cups, the two of pentacles and the Lovers.

Fear consumes Shelia as she realises that her boyfriend is lying about a woman, juggling a double life and making choices about who he wants to be with.

Sheila’s worst fears have just been realised from the tarot, because she is looking into a mirror of how she “feels”.

There is a huge gaping hole and problem with her reading that Shelia isn’t even aware of. She has seen what she fears because her vibrational frequency is so strong in that moment.

Had Shelia of gone to a Professional tarot reader, the reading would have gone (with the same cards) like this;

“You partner is very much in his mind at the moment and carrying lots of burdens, looks like work related stress. He isn’t sharing these problems because he loves you so much, he is balancing his commitments himself whilst making sure you are ok. You have a good man there, just look out for him over the coming weeks”.

The reason why the professional reader has seen different energy is because they look at the reading objectively and as non-bias to Sheila’s deepest fears.

The professional reader may dig a little deeper into Sheila’s concerns and after shuffling again, she pulls the Moon and eight of swords and the devil. In an instant the reader can see that Shelia has real anxiety about her partner which is unfounded. If Shelia pulled those same cards alone, she may have seen a cheating partner.

If you think about it, when you look in a mirror, you normally notice flaws and aspects of your reflection that you do not like. A stranger may look at your reflection and read a completely different story.

So, remember to be cautious in your own card readings and that when readings are connected to strong emotional feelings (as opposed to hard facts) – you are probably reading a mirror of your own insecurities and fears.

The same goes for when you are feeling upbeat. Your tarot cards will reflect your optimism and your potential based on the law of attraction. This is why we can change our own reality based on our thoughts and feelings. The tarot just mirrors our own personal power.

It would of been much more productive for Shelia to of asked for guidance from her cards, as opposed to trying to pull out her own anxieties and fears.

My advice is always go to a professional reader when in doubt, it is the most accurate and successful way for clarity in any given situation.

Until next time,

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With brighest blessings,


More Signs From Spirit

I want to give you two examples in this blog of how spirit loved ones choose just the right moment to let us know they are with us and giving us a little nod of connection to reassure us we are on the right path.

One of my good friends started at a new location for her business a few weeks ago.  After much deliberation and planning, organising, and building the courage to make the leap, she went for it.  A few days before her official opening, she was walking along the path outside of the premises and was telling a friend how she felt this was the “right” move.  At that very moment, a white feather literally dropped in front of her and landed at her feet.  She told me that the feather almost felt heavy as it moved swiftly in front of her face.

The timing of the feather, the way it fell as she spoke the words is a clear sign that yes, she is on the right path.

Another example recently was when I was taking a Zoom session with a lovely new tarot student during the summer.

She was sitting in a bright and sunny room with the windows open.  We had a lovely connection, and my client was full of excited and positive anticipation for her future work with the tarot.

As she said the words “I want to do this as I feel that Tarot can give so much guidance to those that need it and I can really make a difference to someone’s life”….in that very moment, a white butterfly flew in and landed on my client.

We were amazed, as she tried to release the butterfly, it would not leave her side and decided to sit on the wall for the rest of our session!

My client told me that when her Nan died last year, she decided with her mum and sister that butterflies would represent her dear nana energy.  The only difference being that my clients mum and sister connected with red butterflies, and my client with white.

This was such an instant and strong sign from the spirit world that my client is within a beautiful energy flow of creation in this moment in time.

You will find that when you are in this creative phase, making huge leaps of faith toward your future, this is when you see signs the most. 

You will also get them at times of need and encouragement (and these are the best times to ask).

Have faith and trust and know that sometimes even the most obvious signs are the ones we should be listening too.

Until next time,


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with brightest blessings,


Hello From Dad

Never in a million years did I ever see myself as a wedding entertainer, but on a warm and sunny July evening, I found myself as that very person at a local wedding recently.

I will be honest, this was my first wedding gig and I was a little nervous, more so because I didn’t want drunk people sitting at my table for their tarot readings.  This worry couldn’t have been further from the reality of the evening, as every single guest that sat down at my table was polite, interested and most of all, coherent! 

We started off on positive vibes (I had a quiet word with my spirit guide Blue before I started my session, I told him that this was a wedding, we can’t go too deep here so any messages need to be ones of upliftment and encouragement, which to be frank, they always are, but you catch my drift).

My spirit guide didn’t disappoint and together we managed to give some fantastic intuitive messages to the guests using the tarot. 

At any type of event, my readings are always psychic tarot readings.  I reframe from doing mediumship readings unless in a one-to-one setting.  The energy that one must hold during spirit links is so strong that I find it mentally challenging and exhausting to have client after client sit down in front of me for these types of sittings. 

So, when a lovely lady arrived at my table halfway through the wedding reception, I felt a small jolt as I heard the words “Say Peter” in my internal audio.  This, I knew, was a direct voice from a spirit connected to the lady.

I spoke back, in my mind, to Peter, telling him sorry, this is not mediumship, this is tarot guidance only (on reflection, how rude was I?! Poor guy).

But I stuck to my guns, and did a tarot spread for this very nice guest, as words of encouragement were really needed at that time in her life.  As the reading drew to its natural close, the lady asked me if I can connect to spirit?  She was the first person to ask me that, and it wasn’t lost on me that it was a coincidence that I heard Peter just as she sat down.  In fact, he was standing next to her the whole time we did the reading.  I felt it only appropriate to pass this information on.

“Well, yes, I can speak to spirit.  You have had a man here the whole time, it’s Peter?”.

In that very moment, my client burst into tears and was shaking her head in disbelief. 

“Peter is my dad, he died last year, I miss him terribly”.

A heat rose in my cheeks as I felt a rush of love – her dad had come along, just wanted to say hello, to tell me to “say Peter” to his daughter.

I told the lady that her dad was with her then, he had been the whole time, in fact, he always is.

My lovely client went back to her table, with disbelief but with a sense of peace in her energy.  You see, even though it was just a name, just a hello, it was enough, it was enough for her to know he is with her.

It was also a lesson learnt for me too.  Just because I didn’t want to do mediumship that night, doesn’t make it ok for me to ignore the spirit standing next to me if that is their only chance to say hello to their loved one who resides on this side of the veil.

So, thank you Peter, for coming through and letting your daughter know that you are here, always.

Until next time,


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Feels Like Autumn

During mid to late August, I can almost feel the turn of the season as we approach Autumn here in the Northern Hemisphere.

As I was hanging out my washing early this morning, I could feel the shift in the air and then thought about what energy I was feeling, what was changing to make me recognise my favourite season of the year?  What is intrinsically different from this feeling compared to mid-summer mornings?

The first thing is that there is a very slight chill to the air (hardly detectable during this droughty summer in the UK!), but it is certainly there.  The dewy dampness of the grass just feels like it holds more of a foreboding for the coming weeks.

The cob-webs on the garden plants and furniture let me know that the September spiders will soon be hanging around (I’m trying to be at peace with the dear Spider after years of fear, it’s getting easier as the time passes, but I’m still very much working on this…..).

Autumn feels early this year because the harsh hot and dry summer has scorched the garden leaves already, they have crisped up and fallen from the trees, providing a display of stunning chestnut colour in my garden.

Even the actions of others tell me subconsciously that the turn of the season is on its way.

People slow down just a little, garden routines change, there is a winding down and a sense of ease, as opposed to a gearing up and “getting ready”.  The sounds in the garden are changing, they are slower, more at ease….like they are letting go.

What does the turn of the season mean to you?

The autumn fall has been my favourite time of year, I believe since childhood.  Not only does it mean that my favourite celebrations are on the way (Halloween, then Bon Fire Night (my birthday!) or Christmas) but it is mostly because of the turn of the new academic year.

I feel that gives a sense of structure, new enthusiasm and goal setting, at a time when everything else in nature is beginning to harvest then closes itself down for winter.

For me personally I feel an energy around this time of year like no other.  Mother Earth is offering up the fruits of her labour and there is a time to take stock.  In September I love to batch cook healthy nutritious foods, like soups and casseroles, cutting back and using the healing herbs found in my garden. 

I move into a natural “hermit” phase, and it feels like the environment around me wants to do that too, just like nature itself.

Whatever the turn of a new season means to you, bring it into your practice of self-care.  Perhaps buy a new naturally scented candle to burn as the late summer nights drawer in a little earlier or reorganise your home to set a clear space for the coming cooler months.  An autumn clean is just as important as a spring one!

Spiritual self-care generally works in harmony with the seasons and autumn is an ideal time for you to get in touch with what really sings to your own vibrations.

Until next time,


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Tarot In the 21st Century

One aspect of tarot that I find most amazing is that it has been around for so long and never really died out, in fact, I would say the practice of this ancient artform is getting stronger and stronger by the year.

There are many myths and legends about where tarot first originated and when.  Tarot has been primarily an artistic endeavour in the sense that the pictures and images that constitute the decks, particularly the major (or trump) cards, have been works of art created by artists.

As early as the beginning of the sixteenth century, there are confusing claims about the origins and history of the cards.  It has been claimed that Tarot was a vehicle for the secret teachings of the ancient Egyptians.    However, due to painstaking research by historians, it is widely accepted that the part of the deck known as the suits (or minor arcana), descended from North African origin.  The major arcana was created by a wealthy Italian nobility somewhere between 1420 and 1440.

Tarot is essentially a hybrid of the fifty-two four-suited cards that were designed and used for gaming and gambling purposes.  If you think about how the suits and numbering matches that of normal playing cards, you can understand this connection to game play.

As the card use spread across Europe from Italy, so did its use and it became associated with fortune-telling, the occult and magical lore of all kinds.

Today, there are thousands of card decks on the market and the use of the cards has seen a huge increase since social media allowed a platform for learning, reading, and sharing information on the tarot.

The two most established decks in use today derive from the Ryder-Waite tarot deck or Tarot of Marseille.

Rider-Waite (or Rider-Waite-Smith) is a widely popular deck and is illustrated by Pamela Colman Smith, based on the instructions of academic and mystic A.E.Waite, these cards were originally published in 1909. 

The Tarot of Marseilles is a standard pattern of Italian-suited cards that was very popular in France in the 17th and 18th century.

So, the fact that tarot cards are still amazingly relevant in today’s day and age delights me because the original creators had no idea at the time that we would be living in a social digital age, yet the card meanings of each elemental suits are still so apt.

A good example of this is the suit of swords.  This suit has always been about mental conflict, ideas, and logical clarity.  When the Four of Swords was created, the basic meaning at that time was that a mental rest was needed.  Now, when I see this card in a spread, it often means that but can also mean an office job with computers. 

Or the Page of Swords traditional meaning is a quick witted young intellectual, in today’s meaning it is often either online dating or the signing of contracts. 

To me, the tarot is eternal in its nature and incredibly adaptable, after all, human existence is made up from the four pillars of emotions, intellect, spiritual growth, and physicality.

Until next time,


Thank you for following my spiritual blog (if you haven’t already, don’t forget to sign up for future blog publications!). I am a professional tarot reader specialising in spiritual guidance readings and tarot teaching. To find out more about me, please click here!

If you would like to book up a guidance session with me (I can connect in person or via Zoom) then take a look at my tarot info page here.

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With brighest blessings,


Fear, Risk & Trust

This year, I have been doing a lot of inner work on myself.  Perhaps it is because I am about to undertake a big life changing event, which is bringing up all sorts of emotions.

Many people who know me (or meet me for the first time) generally assume I am full of confidence and am up for risk taking, which is a half-truth.  It is a case of having to force myself out of my comfort zone, I’ve been doing that most of my adult life.

As a parent, one of the strongest emotions is to protect your child, against absolutely anything and everything that may hurt them.  This is a human instinct and will help to keep that child safe.  The problems begin when a parent’s fear is irrational and there is a blurred line between what an actual real-life risk looks like, and what may be the parents own fear catastrophising a situation.

If you grow up with a parent who catastrophises and leans more to a negative way of thinking, you will be conditioned to have anxiety. This is not the parents fault, as they will be acting through love and doing the best they can in that situation. It can also have its advantages as it will make you super vigilent with a sensible head that keeps you out of danger with the clear understanding of consequences due to certain actions.

The key, like most things in life, is to find the balance and take “healthy’ risks and to not avoid situations by overthinking the risk.

If you have been overly protected as a child you may find it difficult to trust your own judgement in a given sitation.

I am sure there are a lot of people who are reading this that may relate to what I am saying.  It does not mean that you were not loved properly, it just means that the fear cycle was not broken with you.  So, it is your job to break it with the next generation.

In the past, I have had talking therapy for my anxiety.  I had no idea how my anxiety had filtered into so many aspects of my everyday life.  I have had to retrain my brain to turn every situation that takes me outside of my normal routine or comfort zone into something that isn’t about to hurt me or put me in danger (or atleast to have negative outcomes).

I’ve had to work very hard to do this with my daughter as the last thing I want is for her to have the burden of anxiety on her shoulders and for her to stop living life to its fullest.

Last week, at the grand age of forty-one, I rode on the back of a motorbike for the very first time.  My daughter had even beaten me too it, at age eight my husband had her kitted out with safety gear and took her on some little trips.

The internal pain and worry of her doing that was agonising for me, I won’t lie, but I had to fight that fear to allow her this, she WANTED to do it, and that is massive, as sometimes she is fearful like me and it stops her in her tracks.  So, I had to support that, and logically look at the risks and make an informed assessment of it.

Everything in life is a risk, EVERYTHING.  A hot cup of coffee being given to you is a risk of it burning you, but we do not deem it a risk because it’s something pleasurable and we like it.

Getting on the back of a motorbike carries a lot more risk than having a cup of coffee.  Yes, that risk can still be measured to a degree, taking into consideration the external road and weather conditions, skill and experience of the rider, protective gear worn and how sensible the rider is with speed and judgement.  Certainly, you cannot account for other road drivers’ actions, but as my husband always says “If I have an accident on my bike, I can assure you it won’t be my fault” – this is because he is constantly accessing the risk with every turn, junction and decision he needs to make on that bike, assuming always that he cannot be seen by other drivers.

I used to believe that getting on the back of a motorbike would lead to certain death, until I broke it down just like I described in the paragraph above.  Instead of saying an outright “no” – I dissected it rationally, like I have been doing with a lot of stuff in my life recently.  This appears to be anxieties worst enemy, because the more you do it, the more you realise that most of your worries are in your head.

When I sat on the back of the bike for the first time, and he pushed off with the engine roaring in my ears, I felt immensely exposed.  The feeling that I could slip off the back of it as he accelerated made me feel so vulnerable.  Like it would be very easy to die.

I wanted to cry as he navigated along the streets towards the first main road.  But I did not want to cry because I was terrified.  I wanted to cry because I was finally letting go and trusting.

As we turned the corner onto the busy main road and as I leaned in, I understood that I wasn’t going to slip off that bike, i decided to trust in myself to hold on and I decided to release the fear altogether.  This is a man I have known for twenty-two years, he has a racing licence and has a lot of experience with riding and driving many different types of vehicles.  He always makes the right decision because he thinks it through.  I had trusted him so many times with other mundane stuff in my life, now that I really needed too, I decided to totally do just that.  To trust.   

To relinquish all control and just “be” in the moment is one of the most liberating feelings I have ever had. 

The simple fact is, we do not know when our final time here will come.  But if we spend our whole life trying to avoid it, it will stop us living.  And I am done with expecting the worst. 

As we sped through the open countryside on that bike, I have never felt so alive.  It was one of the best days of my life, and I will certainly do it again.

I feel my moto now is to take the risk after you have logically done the assessment, then go for it.  Trust my gut always “the knowing” that is helping me make decisions has never let me down so far.  But I won’t let the fear win, I’m choosing life now, and it feels bloody amazing!

Until next time,


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